54 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
54 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
Suicide Prevention Rationale - Working Title
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** IMPORTANT PREFACE: If you or someone you know is at risk of suicidal ideation, this post is not 10,000% based in fact
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- this is my personal experience with ideation. I urge you to seek guidance elsewhere as my experience is
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NOT INDICATIVE OF YOURS! There are many crisis lines all over the world - please seek them out. You matter!!!! **
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It's hard being- ... It's hard *being*!!! Wherever you are, however easy or hard you may have it, it's
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hard *being.* We live in a time where it's so much uncertainty, and even if we didn't, we as people are
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bound to feel uncertain about the time we live in.
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I've had a lot happen around me this year. People close to me passed, friends faded away, a relationship
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had a bitter ending and it just hasn't felt like a great year in some spots. I won't say that this year
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hasn't been graceful to me - I had to have a relationship for it to have a bitter ending, I had to have
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friends for them to fade away, etc. etc. But when you're experiencing them first-hand (some of these
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experiences were for the first time,) you can't do much but sit and wonder "Man... I hate this right
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now! This is suffering! This is all suffering!"
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I won't say suicidal ideation is a new concept to me - kids saying that "they wanted to die" when they
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were 12 and edgy was a funny trend, but you never really believe that you want to die until something
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happens that you feel is too heavy to bear. However, I've always had a very definite look on it -
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it's bigger than just me.
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For me (again, read the preface,) I'm at a "turning point in my life" and I "have a lot of people
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watching me." Although true, as I have older and younger siblings, and many relatives that call to
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pester my parents about us, it always feels a bit false. Who the hell'd want to watch me? But
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with all that said, I ultimately concluded that the aftermath would be bigger than me. I would
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repeat something in my head:
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- "Nothing will change." My situation won't get better.
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- "Nothing will change." No one will call me.
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- "Nothing will change." Well shit, they're definitely not going to call you then.
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- "Nothing will change." Your parents will keep crying, probably harder.
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.. You get the point, hopefully. Another point of this rationale would be from my faith in God. While
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I will be the first to admit that I am not the best or most consistent Christian, I will say that I
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believe that He exists. I believe that I wake up every day for a reason. Whether that's to laugh, cry
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or jerk off, I couldn't tell you, but I believe that God gives me another day because He believes in
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me. He believes in us all.
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If that's not your cup of tea, replace God with Science or something, man. Kidding.
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I will take this time to point out that the idea that "suicide is selfish" is stupid - it is not selfish
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to want to take away your pain. But it is also not a selfless act. Believe it or not, there are people
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out there that care about you, or will care about you, or have cared about you in the past. It's all a
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matter of reaching out. Friends, family, a crisis hotline, a worm... anyone will listen if you let them
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listen to you.
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My friend unexp pointed out that these points of rationale really require strength. I believe all of you reading this
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post have strength. Whether mental or physical, all of you have it. Remember that. Crying don't make you weak nigga.
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CRY. CRY!!!!!!
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Lots of love and sobriety over here. Be safe this November.
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- Lua |